Due to overwhelming demand, “Getting to Know Me Better” is back. I hope you enjoy, if for no other reason than it may put into perspective your own weird things or comparable lack thereof. Consider this a service I offer free of charge. In future instalments I promise no more pictures of me wearing my shower cap, but I can’t promise you won’t want to unsee/unread/unknow some of the stuff that surfaces from deep within my brain.

Today’s revelation: I secretly wish I could grow a moustache or a beard. My desire goes so far that I am a bit annoyed that I don’t have the option of growing one (at least not yet).

There is so much appeal to having a beard:

• If I had a really bushy beard, I could stroke it when I’m deep in thought.
• Alternatively, I could look quite distinguished with a well-groomed cookie duster that wiggles when I talk.
• I might occasionally find bits of food in there like Mr Twit from The Twits.
• The styling options are endless! (said in infomercial voice).
• There is also the mysterious aspect to it; what exactly are you hiding under all that facial hair?

I have been thinking about this for a while now and as though the God of face whiskers himself was smiling on me I came across these images on So Bad, So Good. Depending on how you see it, they are hilarious/arousing/disturbing images of attractive female celebrities now with added facial hair.

It’s so hard to pick a favourite… a little like choosing one’s favourite child (or so I would imagine). But I think I like this one for it’s stylised ‘stache and designer-stubble combo.

I also like the bushy fullness of this one…

Since my hairy time may never come I decided to use my advanced photo editing skills to realise my dream. I call this series, “Mirstache-anda: what could have been”.

Traditional Hipster Beard

It's Business-time! 5'oclock Shadow Beard

Bonjour! French Style - Oui!

While my dream may never be fulfilled I shall have to remain content with creepily stroking the furry faces of unwilling male friends and staring down bearded men on the street. I apologise in advance if your face-locks and I cross paths. And I sincerely hope your dreams are more within reach.

I will leave you with some music by The Beards, “If your dad doesn’t have a beard, you’ve got two mums”

And we’re done here.

Ps. If you’re wondering about the duckling, that’s a story for another day.