If you’re unfamiliar with Sam Simmons imagine the weirdest thought you’ve ever had, put it in a giant moth costume, make it bald, give it a bushy moustache and dress it in bread shoes (“loafers”). I’ve seen him perform live a couple of times and enjoyed every moment of his silliness. If you know The Mighty Boosh (which you should, it’s hilarious) maybe the fact Noel Fielding described Sam as ‘weirder than the boosh’ will mean something to you.
Problems includes characters such as Sam, his cat Mr. Meow-gi, the moths that live in his couch, the $2 shop owner and more. The problems are real and the drama is heated. If you missed it you can catch it on iview (not sure that’ll work outside of Oz).
I wanted to review it, but there was no way a regular TV review could do it justice. So instead I’m just going to list a few problems of my own:
- One time I bought a top thinking it was black, but it was really more of a dark grey.
- That Cuddly fabric softener ad. That’s a problem. All those small children mispronouncing their words? *shudders*
- My BODYPUMP instructor winked at me during the bicep track. I didn’t know what to do. Was I supposed to wink back? I’m not sure I could wink without it looking at least a little bit creepy. Does everyone look creepy when they wink? I think so.
- Today it took me ages to get my carton of milk open… then I saw the helpful ‘Open Other Side’ direction.
- My room is full of mosquito’s that only come out when the lights are off and I’m just about to fall asleep. They enjoy biting my face. Often I’ll lie in bed hitting my face as I think they’ve landed there. At this point, the mosquito’s have already won. The other night I left them a decoy leg out of the covers, all like ‘fuck it, just take a leg instead!’, but they weren’t interested and went right for the left eyelid. Arseholes.
- Sometimes I forget my washing is on the line and it’s out there for ages and ages.
- I’m now uncertain about the winking thing. Maybe he was actually winking at the guy behind me.
- People on the street holding hands and walking slowly.
- Often on a date the waiter will bring me the wrong meal assuming I’m having the fish and my date is having the steak/burger/man biscuits. Then we have to switch.
- Nobody makes mixtapes anymore.
- Birds… like what even is their deal?
- Sometimes it’s really hard to get out of bed in the morning.
- Reading any comments section of any website.
- Singing happy birthday. It’s awkward for everyone.
- Maybe winking should just be a no-go in any circumstances, too much confusion and ambiguity on how to respond.
- When I get caught prematurely unzipping my pants on my way into the ladies room.
- Not being able to think of a clever way to end this list
What about you? What are your problems?