Category Archives: About Me

The dizzying highs and soul-crushing lows of long-distance relationships

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The distance from my home in Sydney to Perth is 3,300km… equating to about 5 hours in the air, or a 40 hour non-stop drive across the desert, or a walk that would surely kill me. New Zealand and Papua New Guinea are both closer and during summer there is a three hour time difference. Also it’s where my boyfriend lives.

Generally when people discover this, pity fills their eyes and they respond with a sympathetic “ohh”. Yes dating someone via long-distance does suck at times, and isn’t the most ideal way to start a relationship, but it definitely has its positives as well…

The highs: Cruising at 30,000 feet you are physically about the highest you’ll probably ever be and your emotions will feel equally as high as you anticipate folding into their arms at touchdown.

But what goes up must come down: Continue reading →

Farewell, Dear Wisdom Teeth

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A bright light blinds me as my eyes squint open and I try and make sense of my surroundings. A strange hand clumsily prods my face. I unsuccessfully try to sit up when a face with kind eyes and a surgical mask on appears and tells me to relax. It’s then that I realise it’s my own hand touching my numb, swollen face and I’m in a bit of pain.

I’ve just had all four of my wisdom teeth surgically removed in hospital. And now face a few weeks of recovery and a lifetime without my third molars. As I melt into a stack of pillows and bite down on the some gauze to stem the blood flow I think back… Continue reading →

The 12 Worst Things About Travelling

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Full disclosure: I hate reading travel blogs.

Let me be more specific. I hate reading travel blogs unless I’ve got a holiday booked and they’re about somewhere I’m going/want to go. Then I can’t get enough. But unless that’s the case I avoid them. What’s to like about someone else (who’s probably prettier than you) gallivanting across the globe to experience new cultures, eating amazing food and generally having a real good time about it?! They can charitably spare a few minutes to smugly write it all up for the people watching on from their desk jobs and Saturday night television. Bah! Humbug! Unless it is someone dear to me, I am the Scrooge of travel blogs.  Continue reading →

10 Frightening Ways I’m Becoming My Parents

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Lately I’ve noticed a few alarming things about myself. Things I would have never dreamed I’d say, do or be. It’s a scary reality and it’s happening fast… I am becoming my parents and this is how:

  1. Sometimes I get out of bed before 8am on the weekend, even though I don’t have to. Continue reading →

Leafy Suburbia Living vs. Grimy Inner City Dwelling

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Can you feel the ocean breeze? Smell those freshly mowed lawns? Hear those birds (you know the ones, they go booooooooo-woop)? The sensations of leafy suburbia – where I’ve taken respite from my inner city life to house-sit for a couple of days – feel good. I came for a bit of peace and quiet and easy beach access, but got a whole lot more than that. And it’s hard not to compare it to my usual residence in the grimy inner city.

So how do they stack up?

In the morning…

Suburbs: Sunday morning sleep-ins may come to an abrupt halt due to the sounds of birds (seriously it’s like a fricken rainforest out here), small children and lawnmowers.

Inner city: You are gently lulled awake by conversations of friendly locals as they drift past your house on their daily trip to the rehab centre. I don’t know why, but they prefer to converse with each other by shouting from opposite sides of the street. Continue reading →

High School Reunions: The Pro’s and Con’s. Part 2

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I went. I chatted. I got drunk with girls from my year nine science class. As promised, I attended my 10 year high school reunion and here are my thoughts. This post weighs up reasons for and against attending high school reunions in the hope of helping you decide if you want to attend yours.

Pro – If you are anything like me, you’re known to suffer a little FOMO. Missing out on the fun and having to hear about it second hand would have had me squirming like I used to when I was sick and had to miss school. What if Samantha* did something funny at lunch (like weeing her pants again) and I missed it? Continue reading →

High School Reunions: To go or not to go? Part 1

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My ten year high school reunion is on tonight. When these events crop up they become  contentious; will or won’t you attend? I decided to attend mine. There are some girls I’d really like to see again and I figured if I am just glad I saw one or two of them it will be worth it. So I’m attending mine tonight and thought I’d do a before and after post. I’ll let you know if it is worth attending or if it’s just a bloody nightmare. Self-sacrifice if you will. You can call me Jesus (it’s ok I made that joke as I went to a Catholic school). Continue reading →

Search Terms That Have Lead People to The Naked Envelope

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I wrote this post with my tail between my legs and a guilty “I ate the steak off the BBQ” dog face. Sorry I haven’t posted in so long. Life has been getting in the way of my little blog. I have very much been missing you guys though!

Logging into WordPress one of the first things I do is look at the stats tab. Once I’ve established my hit rate for the day is about average (nothing to see here) I move onto the ‘Search Engine Terms’ section. This is often quite amusing so I thought I’d share some of the ways in which people have found The Naked Envelope. Continue reading →