A Christmas Letter to William

And so this is was Christmas… although, there was definitely something missing. Every Christmas we used to receive a letter in the mail with a yearly update of some family friends that I’d never met. My parents never once wrote them back and as far as I’m aware haven’t seen them in about 20 years, but still the letters came. That is until my parents moved and failed to update their (clearly close) friends with their new address.

The two kids were about my age and I followed them as they grew in their study, extra-curricular activities and skills in card making. Last I heard of them it was becoming pretty clear that the older sister was somewhat of an overachiever. Her lengthy paragraph was filled with complimentary commentary on her success as a lawyer and generally lots of positive adjectives. Next was the section on the younger brother, William. This was considerably shorter and padded out with details of recent purchases like a new push bike and a monthly train ticket. The shame. Continue reading

Questions and Answers: Internet fears, pandogs & superglued

Tonight on Questions and Answers I’ll be answering a couple of your burning questions. You know how we all have that friend who everybody turns to for answers? Well that’s never been me (I’m not that great of a listener) but maybe I just never had the chance. And isn’t Christmas about giving people chances? Or is that Easter? Hmm… Either way I’m still going to do this post because I already typed some of it up. Let’s get into it…

Question1: Internet world…Internet

Things are tough out there on the mean pages of the web. This question is really more of a personal opinion. But since you asked so nicely, Emily, I will have to say the comments section of various news sites truly haunt my nightmares. I can’t show you enough examples. Some of the best advice I’ve read is from the talented Elmo Keep: “Don’t read the bottom half of the internet”. Continue reading

TV Non-Review: ‘Problems’ by Sam Simmons

This blog post is inspired by one of my favourite comedians, Sam Simmons. His new show Problems launched last night on ABC1 and really spoke to me.

If you’re unfamiliar with Sam Simmons imagine the weirdest thought you’ve ever had, put it in a giant moth costume, make it bald, give it a bushy moustache and dress it in bread shoes (“loafers”). I’ve seen him perform live a couple of times and enjoyed every moment of his silliness. If you know The Mighty Boosh (which you should, it’s hilarious) maybe the fact Noel Fielding described Sam as ‘weirder than the boosh’ will mean something to you.

Problems includes characters such as Sam, his cat Mr. Meow-gi, the moths that live in his couch, the $2 shop owner and more. The problems are real and the drama is heated. Continue reading

Things BODYPUMP instructors learn at school…

Safety warning: we strongly recommend that you consult with your doctor or fitness expert before reading this, or indeed any of these, crap posts. Special importance applies if you value good content, have a half decent sense of humour or appreciate quality writing. It is strongly recommended that you soundtrack the reading of this post to a tune like this…

I’ve been going to BODYPUMP classes for about a year now. It’s a full body workout using a bar and adjustable weights. It’s hectic. Even the name trademarked ALLINCAPS is like it’s shouting at you; DON’TSTOPMOVINGLASTSETCMON! If you aren’t familiar with the class this helpful video might give you a better idea. It describes the instructors “friendly, extrovert personality.” Continue reading

High School Reunions: The Pro’s and Con’s. Part 2

I went. I chatted. I got drunk with girls from my year nine science class. As promised, I attended my 10 year high school reunion and here are my thoughts. This post weighs up reasons for and against attending high school reunions in the hope of helping you decide if you want to attend yours.

Pro – If you are anything like me, you’re known to suffer a little FOMO. Missing out on the fun and having to hear about it second hand would have had me squirming like I used to when I was sick and had to miss school. What if Samantha* did something funny at lunch (like weeing her pants again) and I missed it? Continue reading

Search Terms That Have Lead People to The Naked Envelope

I wrote this post with my tail between my legs and a guilty “I ate the steak off the BBQ” dog face. Sorry I haven’t posted in so long. Life has been getting in the way of my little blog. I have very much been missing you guys though!

Logging into WordPress one of the first things I do is look at the stats tab. Once I’ve established my hit rate for the day is about average (nothing to see here) I move onto the ‘Search Engine Terms’ section. This is often quite amusing so I thought I’d share some of the ways in which people have found The Naked Envelope. Continue reading

TV Review: ‘Dating in the Dark Australia’ Every Episode Ever

Dating in the Dark Australia is a reality television show that proclaims to ‘test that age-old question “is love blind?”’ Hosted by former Miss Australia, Laura Dundonovik, contestants take looks out of the equation in their search for love by going on a series of dates in total darkness.

Each week a new crop of failed Big Brother applicants (or in one case an actual Big Brother contestant) excitedly enter the Dating in the Dark house. At the ripe average age of 21, the contestants are apparently tired of the dating game and claim they are looking for “something real”, whatever that means. Continue reading

11 Awesome Things About My Mum

11 Awesome Things About My Mum

My mum is awesome. I don’t thank her enough. Although who could ever thank their mum enough? She fed you, clothed you, and made sure you stayed alive. She changed your nappy for years. And then there’s everything she did for you when you were a baby.

My mum is away this Mother’s Day so since I didn’t get to see her today I thought I’d mark the occasion by sharing 11 awesome things about her (ten just didn’t seem enough). Continue reading

Getting to Know Me Better: The Hairy Truth

Due to overwhelming demand, “Getting to Know Me Better” is back. I hope you enjoy, if for no other reason than it may put into perspective your own weird things or comparable lack thereof. Consider this a service I offer free of charge. In future instalments I promise no more pictures of me wearing my shower cap, but I can’t promise you won’t want to unsee/unread/unknow some of the stuff that surfaces from deep within my brain.

Today’s revelation: I secretly wish I could grow a moustache or a beard. Continue reading

10 Ways to Make Friends in a New City

Moving to a new city where you don’t know anyone is harder than trying to look cool after you’ve just tripped over in a public place.

Depending on your circumstances, you might be starting from scratch with nowhere to live, no job, no bank account, and (if you have just spent 6 months backpacking like I had) no money. Every step of the move has big challenges.

Once you have a roof over your head and a source of income (go you good thing!) you will celebrate with all your mates! Or you would, if you had any friends. Continue reading