The Seven Deadly (Modern Day) Sins

What would our society look like if it wasn’t for the seven deadly sins? The internet would sure be quiet place… you know without the porn (lust), every comment everywhere (wrath) and YouTube (sloth). We’d have no banking or financial services (greed), half the world wouldn’t be overweight (gluttony) and there would be no LinkedIn (pride) – actually social media wouldn’t exist at all (envy/pride/sloth/lust…). So if these sins aren’t really hitting home with people, and it’s too hard to change society, maybe it’s time we changed the sins? (This may be the easy way, but hey – I’m a sloth at heart.)

So what are our daily sins of the now?

  1. Running smugness: The act of connecting your Nike running updates to your Facebook feed. No one cares… especially the person you’re trying to impress by doing this. Sin is worse if you are training for a marathon you fit, healthy, early morning jogging jerk. Unsubscribe.
  2. Aisle seat insistence: Commonly seen on public trains. The act of making people climb over you to get to the seat on the other side while you retain the aisle position. Continue reading

The 12 Worst Things About Travelling

Full disclosure: I hate reading travel blogs.

Let me be more specific. I hate reading travel blogs unless I’ve got a holiday booked and they’re about somewhere I’m going/want to go. Then I can’t get enough. But unless that’s the case I avoid them. What’s to like about someone else (who’s probably prettier than you) gallivanting across the globe to experience new cultures, eating amazing food and generally having a real good time about it?! They can charitably spare a few minutes to smugly write it all up for the people watching on from their desk jobs and Saturday night television. Bah! Humbug! Unless it is someone dear to me, I am the Scrooge of travel blogs.  Continue reading

Long-haul flights are a certain kind of hell

I don’t want to be smug or anything, but I’m on a month long European holiday. I’ve sunned myself through Croatia, yodelled through Austria, and am about to hit up Germany before moving onto the UK. Ok I lie… the whole point of going on holidays is to be smug about it to everyone. That and to experience different cultures and have a pretty awesome time doing it – I suppose. But my smugness really came back to bite me on the flight from Sydney to London. Here’s what happened.

Flying anxiety, take-off delays and knowing I had a middle seat didn’t suggest a breezy flight, but the promise of what I was heading towards kept me cheerful. Continue reading

Miranda Ryan News Headlines

The discovery of a new mammal; a rogue tissue in the wash; and the possibility of flesh-eating maggots burrowing into her brain… Good afternoon, it’s Miranda Ryan here with the Miranda Ryan news headlines.

Last night Miranda fell asleep on her side as normal, but awoke with both arms stretched way above her head. Both arms were completely numb so she had to try to flip over using just her body. Onlookers said she appeared not unlike a wounded dolphin, and regretted being friends with her. Continue reading

12 Signs it’s Time to Switch to Adult Radio

There are a lot tough questions in life, some of which may never be answered… Which is the path to true happiness? Is there life after death? Should I cut a fringe? And perhaps the most pressing of all*: how do I know it’s time to make the switch to adult radio?

Recently I learnt that the target age of my favourite music radio station is people 18-24, yet the adult talk station I would progress to is broadly aimed at those aged 40+. This leaves me floating in some kind of radio-station-limbo-land… much like an unused tampon, lost in a handbag. Continue reading

Leafy Suburbia Living vs. Grimy Inner City Dwelling

Can you feel the ocean breeze? Smell those freshly mowed lawns? Hear those birds (you know the ones, they go booooooooo-woop)? The sensations of leafy suburbia – where I’ve taken respite from my inner city life to house-sit for a couple of days – feel good. I came for a bit of peace and quiet and easy beach access, but got a whole lot more than that. And it’s hard not to compare it to my usual residence in the grimy inner city.

So how do they stack up?

In the morning…

Suburbs: Sunday morning sleep-ins may come to an abrupt halt due to the sounds of birds (seriously it’s like a fricken rainforest out here), small children and lawnmowers.

Inner city: You are gently lulled awake by conversations of friendly locals as they drift past your house on their daily trip to the rehab centre. I don’t know why, but they prefer to converse with each other by shouting from opposite sides of the street. Continue reading

A Christmas Letter to William

And so this is was Christmas… although, there was definitely something missing. Every Christmas we used to receive a letter in the mail with a yearly update of some family friends that I’d never met. My parents never once wrote them back and as far as I’m aware haven’t seen them in about 20 years, but still the letters came. That is until my parents moved and failed to update their (clearly close) friends with their new address.

The two kids were about my age and I followed them as they grew in their study, extra-curricular activities and skills in card making. Last I heard of them it was becoming pretty clear that the older sister was somewhat of an overachiever. Her lengthy paragraph was filled with complimentary commentary on her success as a lawyer and generally lots of positive adjectives. Next was the section on the younger brother, William. This was considerably shorter and padded out with details of recent purchases like a new push bike and a monthly train ticket. The shame. Continue reading

The Do’s and Dont’s of Summer

Saturday is the official start of Summer for us folk in the Southern Hemisphere (southside yo!) and I couldn’t be more excited. However, there are a lot of summer crimes that get committed so I think it’s best we set a few guidelines so we can all get along and play nice together for the next three months.

DO wear your swimmers* when you’re at the beach, poolside or anywhere swimming is in business.

DON’T extend the wearing of said togs outside the bounds of socially acceptable areas. For example: kiosk on the beach = acceptable, food court in a shopping mall = unacceptable, laying by the pool = acceptable, laying on the grass near your office at lunchtime = unacceptable. Continue reading