Tag Archives: humour

Peanuts for Allergies – Controversial Allegations Enough to Take the Rose out of Every Cheek

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Controversial allegations have come to light that suggest senior executives at Vegemite created peanut allergies in efforts to reclaim some of their lost market share. A series of leaked emails allege operation ‘Down with P: V on Top’ was an ongoing take-down strategy that aimed to get peanut butter banned from schools and force parents to use allergy-friendly Vegemite.

One of the most shocking elements to the controversy was the alleged payment of school children to fake the illness Continue reading →

Bah Humbug! Down with Christmas!

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It’s beginning to look a lot like I AM GOING TO SHOVE THOSE CHRISTMAS BAUBLES UP YOUR CHIMNEY IF YOU DON’T BACK THE F*** UP, Santa! You too Rudolph, if that even is your real name…

Seriously get out of the way, scrooge is coming through with big plans to hate, hate, hate all over your Christmas.

Turning 18, becoming fully self-dependent, purchasing a vacuum cleaner… all things we use to classify the transition to adulthood – until now. Continue reading →

My week in pictures…

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When your partner is explaining your new job to someone over the phone and your suspicion that he has no clue what you do is confirmed…. but makes for hilarious listening…

lol-face “and the audiences and research… why did you have to ask me this just as she got in the car?”

When your nieces are adorable and make you love notes and you feel all the #feels…  Continue reading →

Stuff my brain thinks while watching Game of Thrones… **SPOILER ALERT!**

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**Spoiler Alert – FYI I’m up to date with the TV show (S4 Ep9) – haven’t read the books**

  • Dooo-doo-do-do- dooo-doo-do-do-dooo…
  • Oh god… what happened last time?
  • Doesn’t matter, no time to review. If you don’t watch it now you will see spoilers.
  • Oh right – forgot about him.
  • So he also reckons he should be on the throne?
  • What’s so good about the throne anyway?
  • It looks terribly uncomfortable…

Continue reading →

My Shitty Results in Buzzfeed Quizzes Are Giving Me a Complex

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The results are in. And if the scientific basis of the Buzzfeed quizzes are anything to go by (which they obviously are) my personality is looking more than questionable. Getting the worst option in one or two “which something are you?” style quizzes can be funny, but it’s happened to me too many times to count. It’s made me wonder: is it me?

Some of my recent Buzzfeed quiz results include:

Bluth family member: Buster Bluth 

Arrested Development is one of my favourite comedy’s so I was extremely excited to take this quiz. And then I got Buster… Continue reading →

Santa, you better pack the big sack this year…

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Dear Santa,

I’m calling bullshit on your annual delivery of underwear and pyjamas, enough is enough. You need to quit it with your small-time stocking stuffers and take this shit big picture. Think of it as making up for the other 364 days of the year where all you do is sit on your gingerbread and candy cane throne and judge the citizens’ of the world. And just who are you calling a ho? For shame, Santa.  Level with me a minute and hear me out, I just have a few simple requests.

Please can I have for Christmas:

  1. To be BFF’s with Tina Fey. We’ll braid each other’s hair, tell each other secrets and cry about boys together. On Wednesday we’ll wear pink. And we would NEVER write about each other in the Burn book.
  2. A basic understanding of physics. Including, but not limited to, how it’s possible that planes can fly in the air… srsly. Continue reading →

Farewell, Dear Wisdom Teeth

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A bright light blinds me as my eyes squint open and I try and make sense of my surroundings. A strange hand clumsily prods my face. I unsuccessfully try to sit up when a face with kind eyes and a surgical mask on appears and tells me to relax. It’s then that I realise it’s my own hand touching my numb, swollen face and I’m in a bit of pain.

I’ve just had all four of my wisdom teeth surgically removed in hospital. And now face a few weeks of recovery and a lifetime without my third molars. As I melt into a stack of pillows and bite down on the some gauze to stem the blood flow I think back… Continue reading →

The Seven Deadly (Modern Day) Sins

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What would our society look like if it wasn’t for the seven deadly sins? The internet would sure be quiet place… you know without the porn (lust), every comment everywhere (wrath) and YouTube (sloth). We’d have no banking or financial services (greed), half the world wouldn’t be overweight (gluttony) and there would be no LinkedIn (pride) – actually social media wouldn’t exist at all (envy/pride/sloth/lust…). So if these sins aren’t really hitting home with people, and it’s too hard to change society, maybe it’s time we changed the sins? (This may be the easy way, but hey – I’m a sloth at heart.)

So what are our daily sins of the now?

  1. Running smugness: The act of connecting your Nike running updates to your Facebook feed. No one cares… especially the person you’re trying to impress by doing this. Sin is worse if you are training for a marathon you fit, healthy, early morning jogging jerk. Unsubscribe.
  2. Aisle seat insistence: Commonly seen on public trains. The act of making people climb over you to get to the seat on the other side while you retain the aisle position. Continue reading →